Weary Parent: Parenting Tweens & Teens

August 20th, 2008

Debating the Legal Drinking Age

On my local news last night they were talking about the drinking age. After more than 20 years the drinking age in the U.S. is being debated again. This time by a group of college presidents, including presidents at Whittier, Dartmouth, Duke and Johns Hopkins (plus the president at a small liberal arts college in my town). These college leaders have signed a petition to discuss lowering the drinking age from 21 to 18. According to the petition, these college presidents believe the current drinking age of 21 forces kids to drink secretly (ala Prohibition) which is the cause of an increase in binge drinking and the reason that many young people don’t seek medical attention when their friends have had too much to drink.

Technically states have the right to decide their own drinking age, but in 1984 the National Minimum Drinking Age Act forced states to raise their drinking age to 21 or lose federal highway funding. Of course, the states quickly changed their drinking age to 21 in order to keep their funding. Teens can smoke, vote and serve in the armed forces at 18, but they can’t legally drink alcohol until they reach 21. High school sweethearts who get married shortly after high school can’t even have a celebratory champagne toast at their wedding. They are legally adults, but they can’t make their own decision about having a beer with dinner.

However, Mothers Against Drunk Drivers (MADD) and many substance abuse counselors are against lowering the drinking age. According to MADD, the nationwide “proportion of drivers 16-20 years of age who were involved in fatal crashes, and were intoxicated, dropped 33 percent” from 1988 to 1998 because of the increased drinking age. Additionally, a substance abuse counselor interviewed on my local channel stated a child’s brain is not fully developed at 18. She believes college presidents should encourage education on alcohol rather than trying to change legislation.

What do you think? Should the U.S. drinking age be lowered?

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By Christine -- 7 comments

August 20th, 2008

Sun, Sand, and Skydivers

I feel like I am getting ready to write a postcard home from summer camp, but all I can say is - “wish you were here”! The weather today was absolutely magnificent - making it perfect for an airshow on the beach. We spent the day sitting on the beach, playing in the sand and watching airplanes and skydivers at the Atlantic City Airshow.

After the crowds eased following the show, my daughter decided to walk the beach on her hands while her younger sister worked on a sandpile.

Like all good things, this quick vacation is about to come to an end! We have to be home tomorrow by noon so my son can go over to the middle school and get his schedule, locker assignment, and meet his teachers. So long, summer….

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August 19th, 2008

Bullying

Anti-bullying initiatives have become a big priority for schools across the nation and our school is no different. Over the summer our school formed a group of administrators, teachers and parents to learn more about bullying and how to deal with it. They chose the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program to help guide our students in a safe, non-threatening school environment. Last night, at Freshman Parent Night, one of the parents shared some information about bullying with us and explained the program.

What is bullying?
High school wouldn’t be high school without the occasional dirty look or name calling. We’ve all seen it and most of us have done it. In the heat of the moment some nasty things can be said. But most of that is being a teenager, not bullying. So what is bullying?

A person is bullied when he or she is exposed, repeatedly and over time, to negative actions on the part of one or more other persons, and he or she has difficulty defending himself or herself.

According to Olweus, there are three major parts to bullying. (1) It’s intentional and aggressive and involves unwanted, negative actions. (2) It is repeated over time (although it’s still important to act on serious and hurtful behavior from the first incident). (3) It involves a power balance. The person being bullying may be physically or emotionally weaker, may be bullied by many or may be bullied by anonymous sources.

Bullying isn’t just a mean kid beating up a little kid for lunch money. There are many different types of bullying. In fact, Olweus says there are nine specific forms of bullying:

• verbal bullying
• excluding or isolating someone
• physical bullying
• lying or starting false rumors about somebody
• taking or damaging somebody’s property or stealing/demanding money
• threatening or forcing somebody to do something
• racial bullying
• sexual bullying
• cyber-bulling (via the internet or even a cell phone)

So what should parents do if their child is being bullied?

• Never tell you child to ignore it. Ignoring it will not make it go away.
• Be a good listener. Just let him/her talk to you about it.
• Don’t blame your child. Your child likely didn’t do anything to provoke the bully.
• Don’t criticize the way your child dealt with it. He/she was just doing the best he/she knew how at the time.
• Think before you act. As parents we can be pretty protective, but stay calm and think about what to do next.
• Contact the school immediately to talk about your concerns and what the next steps are.
• Make sure you provide a safe and loving environment at home.

Anybody can be the victim of bullying. Kids in small schools. Kids in large schools. Boys. Girls. Sensitive kids. Confident kids. Don’t think your kid is immune. Instead educate yourself and your child. Talk to you child about what they can do to avoid bullying. Make sure they get involved. Encourage them to make new friends. Schools are doing what they can to prevent bullying, but parents needs to stay on top of it as well.

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By Christine -- 1 comment

August 18th, 2008

Freshman Parent Night

Tonight was Freshman Parent Night where we hear about what our kids will be doing in high school, walk through our child’s schedule to see their classrooms and meet all the teachers and staff. I grabbed my son’s class schedule, shuffled in to the school auditorium and slumped down in to a cushioned theater chair. I’ve been in this theater many, many times before. After all we already have one son in high school. But sitting in the auditorium waiting to hear about the new freshman class was still a little daunting. It’s still hard to believe that the little boy I used to swaddle in a light blue blanket and who used to cuddle with a pale green glow worm in his crib is now a freshman in high school. That blue blanket is stuffed in the back of our hall closet and the glow worm is long gone. And here is my baby, a full-blown teenager starting his first year of high school.

After a few minutes the associate principal was standing on the stage. She said, “Welcome class of 2012 parents.” I had to fight back the tears. 2012?!? When my baby was born 2012 seemed like a lifetime away. Now it’s just four short years. Back then it was just the year my new baby would graduate from high school. Now it’s the year my baby will walk out the front door, leaving me behind while he goes off to live his life. He no longer needs to hold my hand to cross the street. He no longer asks me to push him on the swing. He no longer needs me to help him pick out his clothes. He’s gone from loving Batman and playing in the dirt to loving all things computer and pretty girls.

For the next hour the two associate principals, the principal and a parent talked about what to expect in the coming year. They talked about academics, extra-curricular activities, “management” (which is the demerit system they use) and the anti-bullying policy. They really should just write all this stuff down (which, um, they probably do in the school handbook I have yet to read) because, although I really was trying to listen, all I could think about was “oh my god my baby is in high school.” I’m sure I wasn’t the only mom have a mini-breakdown right there in there in the middle of high school auditorium.

Excuse while I go off to dab my eyes and blow my nose.

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By Christine -- 5 comments

August 17th, 2008

Roadtrip Time

This is the last week of summer for our kids which means it is time for one last roadtrip as a family. We have not done a big vacation this summer, rather we’ve made it a series of smaller 1-3 day mini trips. We started the summer with a trip to Philadelphia to watch the US Olympic Trials for Gymnastics, a few weeks later we decided to check out the Bodyworlds display at the Maryland Science Center in Baltimore, and this week we are going to go up the Jersey Shore to Atlantic City to catch the Atlantic City Airshow and watch the Thunderbirds fly over the boardwalk.

That means today will be spent prepping the family truckster, doing laundry, packing, and making a last minute run to the store to pick up puzzle books, new nail polish, snacks, and batteries for the camera.

The kids are really excited about getting away for a few days and thankfully they are all getting pretty good about riding long distances in the car - I just have to make sure they have all charged the iPods and Nintendo DS’s, too.

Personally, I prefer these quick 3 & 4 day trips - how about you? Have you taken any fun roadtrips this summer?

Photo - my personal collection

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By char -- 1 comment

August 16th, 2008

The Summer of the Tent

My son turned 12 this summer and when we were in the planning stages of his birthday party, he mentioned he wanted 6 of his buddies to spend the night. Immediately I imagined 7 tween boys running loose in my house and started to shutter. But then the idea hit me - a tent!

I suggested that they make the theme of the party a camp out and we get a tent, cook smores by the camp fire and make it an outdoor party. My son thought that was a great idea. We live on 4 acres in a quiet neighborhood so camping in our back yard is only a few degrees of separation from the real thing.

That birthday party was THE EASIEST party I have ever hosted! From the time the boys arrived at 6 until they all went home the next morning, they were never in my house. They had water gun fights in the backyard, we grilled up some burgers for them, they made smores, played football, and generally ran around all evening. They all brought their Nintendo DS game systems and by 11 pm they had all retreated to the tent to play DS as a group, talk, and eventually sleep.

Since the birthday party, the boys have gotten really good at pitching the tent themselves. Every time one of my son’s friends has come over for a sleepover this summer they have pitched the tent and slept outdoors. It is a great way for them to have a little more independence and it cuts down on the noise and clean up in the house!

So we have deemed this the summer of the tent - and something tells me it will extend into fall as well.

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By char -- 0 comments

August 15th, 2008

Back-to-School Fashions

Have you finished your back-to-school shopping yet? I hate to admit it, but we haven’t even started yet. And school starts on Wednesday. I’ve always been kind of a procrastinator. I admit it.

Being fashion challenged I had no idea what’s in these days. That is, until I had dinner with some friends last weekend and discovered all things 80’s are coming back in. I believe there was a noticeable groan coming from my direction.

I guess we knew this day would come. After all it was that long ago girls were pulling 70’s items from their parents closets and donning the high school hallways in *gasp* bell bottoms and hippy tops. But I firmly believe there is not one single thing from the 80’s that should ever come back in style. Except maybe leg warmers.

So what’s hot this year?

Huge Accessories. Girls are wearing big earrings, big sunglasses, big belts and carrying big handbags. Gone are the backpacks and in are big canvas bags and messenger bags. Girls aren’t carrying small purses anymore. Now they carry handbags that look like a piece of luggage. I’m ok with that as long as big hair doesn’t come back. (Please. I’m begging you.)

Skirts. Apparently skirts are the must-have item this year. Thank goodness I’m not a teen trying to be trendy anymore. I was never much of a skirt or dress girl. But girls today are loving the skirt. But be sure to choose a skirt that’s right for your body type.

Babydoll Dress. I blame MTV for this trend. Lauren Conrad and other MTV stars seem to be rocking the babydoll dress and teenage girls are quickly following suit.

Bold & Bright Colors. No more pastels. Now it’s all about the color. Whether it’s a cute feminine top or a vintage tee, the brighter the color the better. Look for vivid blues and purples as well as greens and yellows. Teens want to stand out this year.

Graphic Tees. The t-shirt is back. (Although did it ever really leave?) But kids don’t want just any kind of tee. They want tees with big bold graphics. And vintage tees are fly. (Do kids still say fly?) My teenage son has some Motley Crew and Metallica t-shirts in his collection. Too bad I didn’t keep my old Skid Row t-shirt from back in the day. And tattoo designs are hot. Not tattooed on your skin, but all over your clothes and shoes.

Hoodies. For both boys and girls. I can hardly believe it, but hoodies are hot. I blame Avril Lavigne for this trend. Apparently she even has her own line of skater hoodies that are quite popular right now.

Layering: Yes, the dreaded layering is back. When I was in high school I lived in leggings and oversized sweaters. And now, so will my kids. (I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.) Today’s teens are layering leggings under dresses, skirts, long tunics, babydoll tops and trapeze tops. The leggings should be a dark neutral color while the top should be a bright color like fuchsia or teal. Teens are also layering simple black dresses with big belts, scarves and cardigans. And don’t forget the importance of shrugs, vests, hoodies and blazers. Whenever you can layer, do it.

Dark Wash Denim. My drawer is filled with stone-washed denim. I’m going to be so out-of-style this year because the new trend is dark, dark and more dark. The style of jean isn’t as important as the color. From skinny jeans to boot cut, it’s all good as long as it’s dark washed.

Boots. Boots are making a comeback. While high heeled boots will never go out of style, flat ankle boots are starting to make a comeback. As are Lace-up boots.

Flats. Flats are the hot thing too. Canvas flats and ballerina flats are stylin’ right now. (Am I showing my age here? Stylin’? Fly?)

Skater Inspired Shoes. Guys are digging the skater style; big, bold graphics, including the tattoo graphics, with big shoelaces tied loosely if tied at all.

What are your kids wearing?

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By Christine -- 2 comments

August 14th, 2008

Disney’s U Rock the Summer Sweepstakes

Is your tween or teen a Disney a huge Disney fan? Well Disney has an opportunity for teens to meet their favorite Disney stars. At U Rock the Summer teens can enter to win a trip for four to see the High School Musical 3: Senior Year premiere. And you know who makes it to movie premieres; the stars themselves.

Plus there’s more. Your tween or teen can make their own rock video, upload it to the site and win some other “amazing” prizes. They could win a trip to a Jonas Brothers concert and meet the Jonas Brothers. Or a Cheetah Girls concert and meet the Cheetah Girls. Radio Disney might throw them a Street Jam Party. Or they could record a classic Disney track and meet Jordan Pruitt.

It sounds like Disney is offering some pretty cool prizes. If your tweens or teens are interested send them over to Disney’s U Rock the Summer website.

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By Christine -- 0 comments

August 13th, 2008

Counting Down the Days Until School Starts

School starts in less than two weeks and not a day too soon! Don’t get me wrong, I have loved all the time I have spent with the kids this summer - cheering them on at swim meets, shuttling them to their respective sports practices (ice hockey, gymnastics and swimming), hosting sleepovers, going to the pool, doing Camp Weary Parent activities and taking a few road trips, too, but all good things must come to an end.

These past few days my daughters (almost 10 and 6.5) have really shown me they are ready to be back in school and NEED to be back in school. They need to take direction from other grown ups. They need to learn to “shut up and color” when they don’t get their own way. They need to have the constant structure and socialization that a full day at school followed by activities provides. And I NEED to be able to have a few hours of peace and quiet each day.

The girls are feeling the effects of getting on mom’s last nerve today. While they had friends over they managed to trash their bedrooms, the playroom and even left a mess in the living room. Now why should I have to clean that up? So today there will be no TV, no phone calls, no computer, and no friends until those four rooms are back up to my standards.

So this morning has been less than pleasant as they stomp around trying to find ways to get out of their consequences. I’m not budging and this is one time I am glad I have”thick skin” and am not affected by being called a “meanie head” or the meanest mom on earth. Actually, I take it as a compliment!

But I think they are starting to get it. This mom is counting down the days…

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By char -- 4 comments

August 12th, 2008

Obama Reaches Out to Young People

20% of the voters last year were between the ages of 18 and 29 and yet the youth vote is often ignored by politicians. As Whitney Houston said in the 80’s, the children are our future so why aren’t politicians trying harder to reach young Americans?

Well one of the presidential candidates has gone high tech to reel in the youth vote. Barack Obama has a Facebook page. He has tons of pictures on his Flickr account. He even Twitters. I’m pretty sure John McCain has no clue what Twitter is.

And now Obama is asking people to sign up to receive an email or a text message when he announces his running mate. That’s right up a teen’s alley. And, not surprisingly, many teens are taking notice.

What do you think? Do you think John McCain needs to enter the information age and reach out to youths? Or is Barack Obama just trying too hard?

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By Christine -- 0 comments