ADHD & Me
When my oldest was in first grade he was still living with his mom and visiting us on holidays and summers. One Thanksgiving we planned a trip to Disney World so he had to miss a few days of school. He brought his homework with him along with a letter from his teacher. It said things like, “he’s not organized,” “he’s always distracted,” “he doesn’t turn in his homework” and on and on. I was pretty ticked off. Never once did she tell us what she was doing to work on these behaviors. It was all just “here’s what he does wrong.” So I sent a letter to the teacher and the principal asking her to please tell us what she was doing to correct those behaviors and what we could do at home (or in the summer in our case since we were so far away). I never heard back from her, but her comments on his next report card were much more positive.
In third grade the teacher told his mom that she thought he had ADHD. So she took him to the doctor. The doctor looked him over and asked a bunch of questions and decided to put him on some medication that he would have to take each day he was in school. That concerned us because it seemed like we were just medicating him so the teacher could handle him at school. My husband and his ex decided not to have him take the medicine.
Now we understand ADHD a little better and we know this is common. Kids with ADHD often take medicine only on days they have school because the medication helps them learn better and helps them be less fidgety. The medicine then wears off by night. However, we didn’t do our research back then and I feel like we did a real disservice to our son.
When he was in sixth grade, he moved in with my husband and I. Education has always been very important to me with all of my kids so I immediately took an interest in helping him get organized and doing better in school. We set up some guidelines, talked about using his agenda to keep track of homework and came up with some rules and consequences for late or missing work.
Things went “ok” in sixth grade, but it’s been going downhill every since. Now that he’s in high school I’m terrified he won’t graduate and I don’t know what to do. We’ve tried to praise him when he did things well. That didn’t work. We tried to motivate him (read: bribe) by offering to buy him an Xbox 360 if he brought home Cs or better on any report card. That didn’t work. We tried to punish him by taking away electronics (computer, video games, cell phone, TV) when he didn’t bring home all Cs or better. That didn’t work.
Shortly before Christmas we took him to the doctor to talk about our struggles. Our doctor asked us questions. He asked our son questions. He evaluated his school habits and chore habits. Then he diagnosed him with ADD. He no longer has the Hyperactivity, so it’s just ADD at this point. He prescribed Stratterafor him to take once a day every day and told us it would take about a month for it to get in his system.
He’s been on Strattera for over two months now and I don’t see an improvement in his grades. He still has several missing assignments and I’m still worried he won’t graduate. We have a meeting with his counselor and his teachers set for tomorrow morning (way in earlier than I like to get up, but that’s how much I love this kid). I’m hoping we can brainstorm some solutions to help him with his schoolwork. We also discussed the continued struggles with our doctor last week and we may consider increasing his dosage to see if that helps.
But I keep thinking back to when he was in third grade and how we didn’t start the medication then. It likely would have helped if we would have done something earlier.
Earlier this week, I was reading an article in the Roanoke Times called ADHD From A Teen’s Point of View. I wish that was something we had read seven years ago when we first heard of the possibility of our son having ADHD. Blake Taylor has been living with ADHD for most of his life and now, as a college freshman, he wrote a memoir about his experiences, called ADHD & Me
Related Stories
POSTED IN: ADD/ADHD
5 opinions for ADHD & Me
pickel
Mar 5, 2008 at 8:45 pm
ADD/ADHD is difficult to diagnose in children. What is even more difficult to see are the underlying disorders that often coexist; visual processing, auditory processing, sensory processing, etc (they often correspond with dyslexia and other learning problems that go untreated but add to the frustrations a child feels, thus resulting in the hyperactive and poor behaviors). My son has those three and possibly more. When you start to treat the underlying disorders the ADD/ADHD behaviors often disappear.
It is unfortunate that doctors were not able to give your son an adequate evaluation early on and identify any of these things (if they are, in fact, present). I just wish more parents and teachers would pick up on these things earlier instead of doing the wait and see method (or the lets try medication method).
Karen
Mar 6, 2008 at 1:34 am
Hi Christine
I have just come across this site, and felt so much for you for your worry about whether your son will graduate. It is so hard to watch them, and see them not living up to their full potential, isn’t it?
None of my children have been ADD or ADHD so I cannot comment on that (although I have watched my nephew struggle with the diagnosis that was in his case incorrect). But what I do know is the worry and sleepless nights spent thinking about what will happen to them if they don’t graduate. My son graduated high school last year (after suffering through terrible depression), and even though he didn’t live up to anywhere near his potential, he did get good enough marks to get into the university course of his choice. And he’s doing so much better now than he did the last 4 years in high school, for which I am thankful every day. My happy boy is back!
As a mother, what I found I needed the most was to trust that it would all end well. Otherwise I would never sleep.
My thoughts and warmest wishes are with you - I know how hard it hits when they are not doing as well as we hope, when we know they can do better…
Elizabeth
Mar 9, 2008 at 5:39 am
I just happened upon this site and your post. My heart goes out to you and your son, being that I’m an adult with ADD. Diagnosed almost 2 years ago at age 31. I struggled through school, battled anxiety and depression most of my life, had almost zero organisational and time-management skills, … you name it, I struggled with it.
Since my diagnosis, however, many things have changed. Though the “tinkering” with medication doses is still continuing, the best thing I ever did was go “additive free” in my diet. No artificial colours, no artificial flavours, and no artificial preservatives. The difference this alone made was truly astounding. I was able to safely cut down to almost half the doses of medications I had previously been taking … which really makes me wonder exactly what all that crap is REALLY doing to us!
One thing I’ve learned about ADD and ADHD is that it often goes hand in hand with anxiety disorders and with depression. Depression often hits teenagers, but those who’ve had every ounce of their self-confidence eroded by anxiety and the inability to focus for more than 2 minutes on anything, it can be completely debilitating.
In my journey, I’ve found that often a general practitioner has little clue about mental health issues, particularly ADD. Fortunately I found one who was well-versed on such issues, and promptly referred me to a clinical psychiatrist who specialised in adults with conditions such as ADD/ADHD. Suddenly someone knew EXACTLY what I was talking about and could give me answers as to why this or that was happening to me and how we could begin to address all my issues. (Counselling with a psychologist was of great help too.)
One thing I’ve found though is, not all medications are suitable for everyone. Not everyone responds the same way to the same medication. What works for me, may be utterly useless to the next person, and so on. If your son has been on this medication for 2 months with no change, perhaps it might be a good idea to try something else. Perhaps (like many teens and adults with ADD/ADHD) he may need a low-dose anti-depressant as well, to help even things out. Talk to your doctor.
Finally, the biggest hurdle I’ve found so far is having to “un-learn” all those bad habits and coping mechanisms we develop in the face of ADD/ADHD. It’s difficult and it takes time. It also takes LOTS of support. Fortunately I have a very understanding husband who reminds me about things all the time. I hate it, but more for the fact that I can’t remember these things myself, not because he’s reminding me. It’s so frustrating to not be able to remember things.
I’m nearly 2 years into my journey (post-diagnosis) and I know I’ve still got a long way to go. But I’m no longer stumbling around in the dark on my own. Some days I wish with all my heart I’d been diagnosed 20 years ago. I can’t imagine how much different school could have been for me. I hope and pray that your son will be able to “get things together” really soon and turn things around. It CAN happen. A friend of mine was failing his first year at university so badly he was going to drop out. Fortunately he spoke to the campus counsellor first. Just a few weeks later, he was diagnosed with ADD, appropriately medicated, and suddenly life was SO different. He graduated university last year, with HONOURS. He made up all those failed classes during the summer break after that dismal first year, and during the first semester of second year, enabling him to complete his second year and go on to third year and honours classes. Big change from the guy who was going to drop out because he just couldn’t keep it together.
It CAN be done. He CAN do it. He just needs a little help in taking those first steps. They ARE the hardest ones to take, but they are SO worth it.
Jesse D
Mar 12, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Oh the wild ride we’ve been on. My nine year old was diagnosed in kindergarten. No medicines worked for her. Not one - Concerta, Straterra, Adderall…. We took her off completely at 7 because she had not grown an inch or gained a pound in two years, could not sleep or eat without taking separate medicines for each. Within three months, she shot up four inches and gained 15 lbs. We tried again with the meds at 9, and she’s been on Focalin for 6 months now. I see no difference, but the teacher swears it helps her. She doesn’t stay on task, rarely finishes anything and has no idea how to organize her schoolwork, her bedroom or even her personal hygeine. We have tried behavior modification to no avail. She desperately *wants* to do well, but just can’t remember anything. We’ve tried lists, schedules, assignment books, planners, calendars, reward charts, everything. Nothing. Works. To add to this, her father and I have split within the last two years, she has a brand new baby sister and started her first period last week. At nine. NINE!!?? I feel so badly for her. I am seeking a therapist now, but it’s hard to find one willing to see her on weekends.
Whew! Sorry for the dump, seeing as ya’ll don’t know me from Adam, but it just seemed like the kind of place where I could vent. Thanks! LOL
Amber
Mar 22, 2008 at 5:29 am
It’s been nice to hear the similar issues others are going through. My step son is 7 and in the first grade, he has struggles in school since Kindergarden. He is issolated in his class room and has his desk turned around so he can not fidgit during class time. He continuely gets in to trouble for disrubting the class and not listen to the teachers, that has become the norm for him, his good days are few and far between. I believe he wants to perform and be a good listner but losses track of his focus very easily. My husband and I have different views on what we should do. I want his to get counseling, tested for ADHD, and take medication if needed. My husband doesn’t want him to be medicated in anyway and said that we just need to work on getting him to listen, it frustrating for me because it’s been a life long battle for my step son and there are no improvements, I feel helpless in trying to get him help, any suggestions?
Have an opinion? Leave a comment: