Weary Parent: Parenting Tweens & Teens

33 opinions for Birth Control for Middle Schoolers?

• Elizabeth
  Oct 18, 2007 at 9:35 am

  You bring up some very good questions.

  I guess I’m just glad someone is paying attention to the fact that it’s happening out there, I’m not sure what the proper “solution” is, though.

• kathylynn
  Oct 18, 2007 at 10:40 am

  I am boiling mad about this! I would be absolutely mortified if a school gave my middle school child birthcontrol. Their may be a lot of bad parents that do not talk about the issues but I am not one of them. So leave my children alone…Good, got that off my chest. lol

• Kelly
  Oct 18, 2007 at 12:49 pm

  As the mother of an 11 year old, it horrifies me that there might be a need for this so early. My daughter still thinks boys are gross and annoying and has zero interest in wearing makeup, and I don’t think she’s outside of the norm. I also find it really odd that they would give the pill to children without telling their parents. It’s a medication. We are responsible for their health as their gaurdians, and we need to know what they are taking.

• kathylynn
  Oct 18, 2007 at 12:54 pm

  Kelly I couldn’t have said it better! Glad to know I’m not alone.

• Perpugilliam
  Oct 18, 2007 at 6:04 pm

  My daughter is 11 (just), and I’m absolutely amazed at this. 11-year-olds, as a rule, aren’t interested in sex. Honestly. Even if they’re developing! Girls are just too mortified by how their body is changing at that age to even consider things like sex (or even the opposite sex!). My daughter certainly is embarrassed by all the changes nature is making, and I get the same vibe from her friends.

  Still, there are some parents who are all about pushing sex (or at least the education/prevention thereof) as soon as possible. At a recent curriculum night, one mom (who’s a doctor, so ought to know better) was insisting that it wasn’t proper “health” education for 5th graders if they weren’t learning about contraception. The mind boggles.

  My main concern is where the heck are the parents in all this? Is it normal *not* to pay attention to a child once he or she reaches double digits? That’s what that Maine school board is implying.

  And what about the effects of extra hormones on an immature female? Hmm????? It’s a crop of lawsuits waiting to happen some 20-30 years down the road.

  Then there’s the whole issue of jailbait, and how most (if not all) states require adults in a position of authority to report sexual activities of a minor, since it’s illegal. Is the school nurse supposed to issue the contraceptives and then report the child to the authorities for having underage sex????? I would think so, if it’s a public school.

  I’m still reeling from it all, thus the somewhat incoherent post.

• jessica
  Oct 19, 2007 at 5:03 am

  i went on the pill when i was 17, thanks to the public health services. It was a lifesaver. i paid for it, though. Anyway, i wasn’t 11, but it was wonderful that i had access to it without having to get kicked out of my house for needing it! (PS i’m now married to my high school sweetheart and we have a wonderful little boy.)

• kathylynn
  Oct 19, 2007 at 6:02 am

  Jessica thats great that everything turned out well for you. I guess one of my big beefs is that they will not even give Tylenol for a headache without a doctor’s note. Insanity! If you can’t tell this subject really has me going.

• jessica
  Oct 19, 2007 at 6:07 am

  You’re right about the Tylenol thing. That is ridiculous. i had to sneak Tylenol into my high school in my altoid box because i would have been sent to the quiet room/grounds of suspension if anyone had found me with it. That was really silly.

• Kathy H.
  Oct 19, 2007 at 8:33 am

  This is absolutely absurd. How dare someone think they have the right to medicate my child without my permission. I think all of this talk of sex at such an early age is what is adding to the early promiscuity. We are planting seeds in their mind that may not have been there yet. The best birth control for a middle schooler is parent involvement. Know where your kids are at all times and don’t let them hang with the opposite sex without adult supervision-period. Parents are too permissive these days and kids are being left alone at earlier and earlier ages. That in my opinion is the real reason behind earlier teen sex.

• char
  Oct 19, 2007 at 8:59 am

  My son is 11 and is so clueless about girls - I can’t even imagine this being reality.

  Everyone has brought up so many good points! The fact that you need a doctor’s note for Tylenol - or better yet, my daughter has to have a doctor’s not to take Lactaid - a dietary supplement to help her digest milk - yet they are going to let school’s give out prescription medication without parental consent is MIND BOGGLING.

  And since when does the school have priority over my parental rights? What is this world coming to.

• jen
  Oct 20, 2007 at 7:15 pm

  How dare someone think they have the right to endorse and encourage my child to have sex. As a middle school CHILD. I’d yank my kid out of that school so fast…. we struggle on a daily basis to NOT give in, to hold our kids to higher standards than what society says is okay. It’s really sad if schools are part of what we fight against.

• mom of 8th grader
  Oct 22, 2007 at 12:05 am

  Just thinking… we’re all talking about 11 year olds here, but 8th graders are 14, and I knew people who were doing it at 14. Suppose their parents really are not taking good care of them? Does it make it better to have this neglected 14 year old have her own baby to look after?

• kathylynn
  Oct 22, 2007 at 4:27 am

  Shame on the parents for not taking care of them but my child should not be in the mix when I do take care of them. I will never, no matter what, agree with this. Also, my daughter will only be 13 most of the year in 8th grade.
  I am with Jen 100% on this issue.

• Jennie
  Oct 22, 2007 at 2:53 pm

  The question is not why would they give these to children, but why do the children need it? It’s great that your kids are normal and innocent. But I’m a only a few years out of high school and my dad teaches middle school and high school kids, and I can tell you, more of them are having sex at that age than you think. I would start looking seriously at how people are teaching their children, rather than persecuting the school for actually trying to do something about it.

• Thrifty Karen
  Oct 22, 2007 at 5:50 pm

  I would be livid if I found out they were giving medication to my daughter without my consent. They won’t give your child Tylenol without a written consent form and they have to keep it at the office locked up. Oh, and it has to come to the school in an unopened container so that they can verify that it is indeed Tylenol. Give me a break! I’m not a lawsuit happy person, but this would be one that would require it. You don’t put an 11 year old on the pill. That’s a license to have unprotected sex. I’d be really heart broken if I found out my daughter was infertile or had an STD because of something the school system thought she needed.

  BTW, when I was in 6th grade P.E., they gave out goody bags to us one day. I found out that the boy’s bags had condoms in them. I was horrified and embarrassed! I couldn’t believe they were giving those to 6th grade boys. I didn’t know any 6th grade boys that were having sex. This was 20 years ago.

• Thrifty Karen
  Oct 23, 2007 at 7:44 am

  Jennie, I agree with you that kids are having sex earlier and earlier.

  You’re right, “Why would the children need it?” There is an underlying issue that needs to be addressed. I don’t think passing out the pill is the answer.

• FeelGoodGirl
  Oct 23, 2007 at 9:14 am

  I can’t honestly can’t say that this is a bad thing. As a young teen I can remember skipping classes to sneak back and forth to Planned Parenthood to get birth control pills. If this were happening back then, I’d say “YEAH, BABY!”(screamed in an Austin Powers voice).

  Now that I have a pre-teen of my own, I’m not thrilled about this, but I’m not stupid either. I’m doing my best to ensure that the lines of communication between my daughter and myself remain open so she won’t have to resort to getting birth control from the school. But there are many girls who don’t have a parent they can talk to. Some parents could care less, and some just don’t want to deal with these issues. Those girls deserve a chance, too.

  Truly, there should be something else for our girls. It’s either, “Don’t have sex until you’re married!!!” or “Hey, here’s some birth control pills for ya.”

  They deserve more than that.

• Michelle Gartner
  Oct 23, 2007 at 10:34 am

  I knew a girl when I was 14- who was 12 and pregnant by a 17 year old guy. Giving her the pill wouldn’t have been the answer, and giving boys goodies bags of condoms doesn’t fix this either. A good old fashioned -** kicking would. Opps- sorry there’s my emotions going over my head. I am the voice of experience- I was on the pill at 13 and my parents helped me get it. I had a miscarriage at 14 and was sexually active at 13- I wish someone would have kicked my can, but my hippie Dad (I really miss him) thought it was more important to be my friend and not my Father. I didn’t turn out conservative and Lutheran until my mid twenties. It took me a long time to get out that mess of early sexual relationships, acting grown up, etc. The pill at that age is a crutch for parents who don’t want to deal with issues (discipline, supervising, and frank talk with their kids - and the possibility of unwanted grandchildren).

• kellys
  Oct 23, 2007 at 10:59 am

  I am torn on this subject (I know that shocks some of you who know me). On the one hand. I don’t think it should be even in our conversation that an 11 year old has access to contraception. It breaks my heart that we are talking about this. We are giving the green light to have sex with such things as birth control from the schools and requiring our daughters to get a vaccine for HPV. I have always said that I want EVERY boy to knowthat my daughter WON’T get the vaccine and is NOT on the pill so DON’T touch her! She isn’t safe.
  However, I was under the impression that the facts in this case are:
  …The parents have to give thier permission for the kids to get into the clinic to get the pills.
  …There has to be a doctor exam before the pills can be dispensed.
  …It has to be prescribed by at least a PA.
  This seems a little safer than just handing them out like candy.

  With that said, keep in mind that I do not think it should be an option. I agree that the extra hormones can’t be a good thing for them at that age. Talk about increased PMS!

• kellys
  Oct 23, 2007 at 11:03 am

  I agree, Feelgoodgirl. I also think that our girls deserve better. Where are the good role models in high school that stand up and say, “I am pretty, popular, still a virgin, and proud of it!” Why can’t those kids get just as much face time as the parents who are trying to get birth control in the schools. I haven’t heard that the students are pushing it, but the parents. What are they thinking? If their kids are having sex, keep an eye on them.

  I also think that kids are having sex earlier each year. What a sad state of affairs that we allow that to happen. The reality is that sex at that age is OUR fault. We should hold the schools and our kids accountable as well as other parents. My kids might be considered prudish, but I intend to tell them to feel free to blame it on me when they can’t hang out with the “cool” kids who are sexually active. I can handle the ridicule.

• kathylynn
  Oct 23, 2007 at 3:42 pm

  Everyone is talking about preventing pregnancy in these kids BUT what about all of the diseases out there. I tell my 14 year old that he is lucky if all that happens from having sex is an unwanted pregnancy because now days death could be a consequence. More time should be spent on educating these kids not giving them the tools to have sex. I’ll say it one more time LEAVE MY CHILDREN ALONE!!!

• robyn tippins
  Oct 23, 2007 at 7:28 pm

  I’m mostly with the school on this one. Pills, HPV vaccines,condoms, whatever it takes to slow down the sexual destruction for these kids. However, there should be reporting of some type to the parents (as they are legally liable for anything their child does until 18) and reporting to the state in case of abuse (no way is any 11 year old capable, cognitively, of giving necessary consent).

  Two of my best friends have HPV and watching them suffer (through dating issues; to tell or not to tell and dealing with being dumped when they do;to childbirth issues,etc.) makes me so sad. I know very few people who have only had one partner or have actually waited until marriage, 5 maybe? Let’s not make decisions assuming that all our kids will be one of the few who wait. Anyone have statistics on either of those (number of marriage virgins or number of people over 25 who have had one one or less partner)?

• kathylynn
  Oct 24, 2007 at 4:42 am

  Robin,
  The sexual destruction will only be worse if schools give out the pill. You talk about HPV but the pill doesnt protect againt any diseases. Let’s face it kids aren’t responsible enough to remember to take a pill every single day. School’s can help by educating on these diseases and the ramifications of sex not handing them the birth control. (that can be dangerous)

• Jennie
  Oct 25, 2007 at 9:08 pm

  I understand the argument against the Pill, but please explain to me the logic of denying your child access to the HPV vaccine. What, your eleven year old can’t be raped?

• Gayla McCord
  Oct 29, 2007 at 12:18 pm

  Very good points made here. I know I’m late chiming in - but it’s not like this topic is going away anytime soon.

  I agree there should be options available at school — so many parents don’t have the time and many don’t want to make the time to have these discussions.

  It used to be that premarital sex could lead to a life sentence by having a child — these days, premarital sex can and does carry a much greater penalty.

  As much as I hope my child will always use safety precautions while driving a car - I hope they follow the same policy when they choose to have sex.

• Tammy P
  Oct 30, 2007 at 5:33 am

  My daughter is 11. She is not in any way ready for birth control. But I know a girl who is only 1 grade ahead of her that was sneaking out of her house in the middle of the night to be with a boy. I can say with a fair amount of certainty that she was sexually active at 11yrs old.

  While a pill may (or may not) stop the unwanted pregnancy, it doesn’t deal with the emotional issues that cause an 11yr old girl to become sexually active in the first place. What the girl needed wasn’t contraception…she needed counseling. Parenting. Love and attention at home.

  As others have said, if a kid can’t remember to do their homework without being nagged by their parents, how are they going to remember to take a pill every day? I used to forget to take mine sometimes and I was in my 20’s.

  This isn’t something the school should be dealing with. They need to worry more about educating our children and less about parenting them.

• crystal richardson
  Nov 5, 2007 at 8:43 am

  It is interesting to me that the people most upset are saying,” Not my kid, leave my children alone” as if their kids are the only ones on the planet. This is a big world and what is right for one family is not right for another. Some kids aren’t lucky enough to be born into families with TWO caring parents, or even one. Should those kids just be ignored to make the same mistake as maybe there parents had??? Or should we as a society try to be thoughtful and say one less unwanted child makes a better world.
  I agree with everything about the tylenol, the questioning of the safety in such young girls, and that 11 is WAY too young to even be thinking about sex, and I think the MAJORITY of 11 year olds out there aren’t thinking about it. But obviously, as there always will be, a portion of the population will become sexual active at a much earlier age than the norm. I also would like to state that anyone who thinks that teens having sex is a new thing needs to pick up a history book fast. Or hey, maybe ask YOUR mother. I know my mom was 16, as was my mother in law, as was I, as was my GRANDMOTHER who is now 80. People didn’t even have a life expectancy of 40 at one time so they had children very early. Now women at least have the choice to delay child birth.

• kathylynn
  Nov 5, 2007 at 9:58 am

  This is why my husband and I send our kids to a private school. We may sacrificed other things but it is well worth it. I will never agree with giving 11 year olds the pill even for those that do not have responsible parents. The pill is not the answer for a child. I think better education is a must not handing over a prescription (that could be dangerous) and saying go for it.

• Linda
  Nov 9, 2007 at 4:30 pm

  I can only imagine what the parents of these kids must be feeling. Many of you parents are right to be ourraged because I know I am by this school’s proposal. I am having to write a paper for a college class on an issue and I stumbled upon one of these articles and was shocked and horrified in general.

  Unfortunatey some of the girls who are participating in promiscious sexual activities has probably been the victim of sexual abuse somewhere in her young life. I’m not saying this is absoutely true but it would stand to reason as to why they are being sexually active. This may not be the case for all sexually active girls between 11 and 13 but I’m sure if one were to look under the surface you’d probably find I right.

  That being said, can anyone tell me “how young is to young” to start birth control?

  I personally feel that a parent should be notified for anyone under the age of 18 regardless of gender before they are given any form of contraception. We don’t let or children attend movies under the age of 17 without a parent or parental concent. They can’t buy cigarettes unless they are 18 years of age, and they can’t enter into a legally binging contract by themselves until they’re 18. So what makes a state think they can give medication to a minor without their parent(S) approval if these kids are under the age of 18?

  CAll me old fashioned but I see major complications looming on the horizon for this school and any other school who chooses to tred on this dangerous slope. Thanks for listening.

• FeelGoodGirl
  Nov 12, 2007 at 1:50 pm

  Crystal Richardson, you are so right. I think the majority of women on this board with the presence of mind to discuss and debate issues like these are not the ones whose children will be seeking birth control at 11 or 12 years of age. It seems that we are all working overtime to ensure that our children are on the right road with a strong set of values. However, there are SO many young girls with no guidance at home who will sadly end up in a situation that they are no where near ready to handle…pregnant, with a veneral disease, or worse…HIV. No, handing out birth control willy-nilly is not the answer, but it at least gives some of them a chance.

  The IDEAL answer (at least in my mind) would be a comprehensive sex education program that covers all bases, from abstinence, to protection and prevention. If the schools think these kids are “smart” enough to take a pill every day then dammit, why aren’t they smart enough to have all the necessary facts about the real consequences of being sexually active as a pre-teen, the difference between sex and love, the importance of having respect for their bodies, the difference between what they see in the media and what goes on in real life, etc…. Give them the information they need to make the right choices. THAT would be tax money well spent.

• FeelGoodGirl
  Nov 13, 2007 at 12:14 pm

  And one last bit of information on this issue. A recent “USA Today” article explored the catalysts for early sexual experience among adolescents. Sexual abuse was not among them.

  http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2007-11-12-teen-sex_N.htm

• a 14 year old girl
  May 30, 2008 at 6:22 am

  i’m an 8th grader and there are a lot of sexually active kids in my school. there are also a lot of girls who are pregnant. now i dont plan on “doing it” anytime soon but the girls who are may be getting pregnant and then they will get in trouble. but if the give the pill they can be safe from pregnancy

• Karen
  May 30, 2008 at 4:57 pm

  The pill may protect them from pregnancy but it won’t protect them from the hurt and self-esteem issues that these girls are going through. From what I’ve read, 25% of sexually active teens have an STD. I can only imagine how those numbers would increase if the schools were giving out the pill. There would be no need for condoms.

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