Does Grounding Work?
I am looking for some input, insight, backing, support or whatever you would like to call it!! I want to know how YOU discipline your tweens and teens.
My kids are really good kids for the most part, but as the structured days of school have come to an end and the freedom of summer is here, I have noticed them testing me a bit.
For example, I went to pick my son up from a friend’s house the other day and he proceeded to put on one sock, then take his turn bowling on the Wii, put on another sock, bowl, put on a shoe, bowl, and basically ignore me in the process. We were on our way to a family dinner out, yet he had already eaten because he had not called to get permission. He proceeded to argue with me about having to go with the family - right in front of his friend’s Mom. I was furious!
When we got in the car, I took his Gameboy and grounded him from computer and video games for a day. I explained to him why his behavior was unacceptable and gave him expectations for the future.
This past weekend the scenario played itself out again, but in a slightly different way. He had a friend sleepover and they wanted to sleep in his room instead of in sleeping bags in the playroom. I explained that the reason we built the playroom was for sleepovers, playdates, etc. The way our house is laid out, I feel better about the kids all sleeping in the playroom - I can monitor them better without them feeling like I am hovering over them.
My son continued to argue with me in front of his friend. This time I asked him to join me in the other room and basically explained that if my rule could not be followed I would take his friend home. End of discussion.
Now for the almost 9 year old who is getting a little mouthy. She decided to pick a fight with her sister in the car and when I called for it to stop, she hit me on the arm. I’m sure she thinks she was just playing or joking around, but I won’t tolerate that one. Now she is grounded for 3 days from using the phone or having a playdate.
I am really trying to continue setting clear guidelines for my kids to follow so they can think for themselves and learn to make good choices. However, is grounding the best punishment? It seems to be the one thing that works best here - but am I missing something?
What works best for you?
Related Stories
POSTED IN: Discipline
6 opinions for Does Grounding Work?
Teri
Jun 11, 2007 at 8:07 am
Grounding is hard. And while I still say “You will be grounded” a lot, I am trying to take a different approach by letting them know what I will take away. And they know once I take something away, such as the computer or ipod, then they have to do a lot more to get it back - to basically make up for it. For instance, my 15 year old recently got all electronics taken away. In order to just get his ipod back, he had to keep his room clean for one week, take out the trash for my hubby, and get up for school when we woke him without trouble for the week. And for every day he did not do this, he added 3 days onto the sentence. He got the ipod back yesterday after only eight days, but has to continue to do this in order to get back his cell-phone and lap top.
char
Jun 11, 2007 at 8:16 am
I have always preferred the idea of taking away things, but I really like the idea of having to work to get items back.
Gayla McCord
Jun 11, 2007 at 11:42 am
It doesn’t work so well in our house. They always find some way of making the best of a bad situation :(
Neena
Jun 11, 2007 at 4:23 pm
I think it depends on the child. I have to take things away from my 11 year old. He will push the limits constantly - apparently he is too old for my rules. But rewards work very well for my 9 year old. He will improve his behavior, do chores, etc. if there is a tangible goal - be it an allowance or a playdate with a special friend. Taking things away from him tends to backfire and result in a bigger tantrum.
Dennis J. Cole
Jun 15, 2007 at 2:11 pm
I am talking from experience here. I think that grounding works, but if it becomes an everyday thing then it begins to not work. I think you need to alternate it with other punishments like taking TV, Computer & Interent, Phone and so on and make them work for their privilege back. In order for your teen or child to learn they need to have almost nothing to do besides the chores you give them and their homework etc. Other wise they will find a way around not having to deal with the feeling from their punishment like talking on the phone and surfing the internet. They will act like its killing them to you, but their going behind closed door having fun, then getting bored with that and making up a sad sad story about how bad it is. But the main thing is that they have to think about their punishment and not have things distract the mind away from it like tv and playstation. Its just like us adults we play games and totally forget about reality and our problems and stresses. Just my two cents from a person that has some experience with groundings and getting things taken away. The things that didn’t get took away most of the time like tv almost made it like a vacation from my social life. So make them feel the punishment, don’t ground them and then let them do what every they want at the house. Thats not being grounded, thats like a rainy day to them.
/\/\utt0
May 13, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Let me tell you this from an average teenager’s perspective. I’m 17 and I am almost always grounded. If I get 2 or more C’s in any of my classes (most are honors/AP) I’m grounded for the next quarter (9 weeks) from almost everything. My computer, xbox, MP3 player (which i need for drumming practice), any gigs with my band, going to friend’s houses, etc. It has gotten to a point where this has become a way of life and i could not care less if my parents threatened to ground me. Hell, I had to quit my band (my main source of income and my life goal) because of this…but I have no incentive to get all that back because I DO try hard in school but when I take the hardest courses available it’s hard to get the ideal grades my PARENTS desire.
Have an opinion? Leave a comment: