Weary Parent: Parenting Tweens & Teens

How To Make Sure You’re Kid Isn’t Videotaping A Fight For YouTube

by Christine on April 19th, 2008

A new tape of another teenage beating has surfaced on the internet. First there was the brutal beating of teen in Florida by six of her classmates (while two boys were the look outs) that was videotaped for YouTube and MySpace. Then there was the videotape of a student pummeling her art teacher which hit MySpace. And now there is a schoolyard brawl between two middle school girls on the internet. In reality there are A LOT more of these kind of things online. Just search for “girl fights” on YouTube and you will find all kinds of videos like this. It’s just gotten a lot of press recently because of the Florida case.

Is this a new trend? Are our young people treating video of class fist fights like it’s entertaining episode of WWE (although I don’t find anything WWE at all entertaining)? If so, how do we stop this?

1. Talk to your kids about appropriate material online. My kids (even my eight-year-olds and my five-year-old) all know we have rules when it comes to being online. There are certain things they can and cannot look at and there are certain things they can and cannot post online. We go over these rules often and even have our kids sign a contract stating they will follow our rules.
2. Monitor their online activity. Check out their MySpace and Facebook pages. See what they are posting to YouTube. My kids understand that if they have a presence online I better know about it because the consequences of me finding it on my own are high and they so don’t want to go there.
3. See what their friends are doing online. This is a little more difficult now that most kids have their profiles hidden unless you are their “friend,” but it can still be done. Ask your kids to show you a few of their friends’ sites. Search for ones that aren’t private. You’ll be able to find a few. See what videos your kids are linking to and marking as their favorites on YouTube.
4. Communicate your rules with your kids. Your family has rules and expectations that should be followed both at home and out in the real world. Make sure you kids know what these rules are and are clear about them. Ask them if they have any questions about the rules.
5. Go over the school rules. Make sure there are no questions there as well. Most of the time your home rules and the school rules will be very similar, but if there are some contradictions (such as religious things) talk about how your student should deal with that.
6. Talk about violence in the media. How does what he sees effect him? How does she feel about violent movies and television programs? How can they rewrite those scripts to be less violent and more peaceful? Can they understand the difference between scripted “entertainment” and the real world?
7. Teach your kids what to do if they find themselves in tough situations. What really disturbs me about this latest tape (besides the assault) is that so many kids are seen standing around doing nothing. You can even hear some laughing. It just makes my stomach turn. We need to make sure our kids know how to do the right thing. Standing there watching is not the right thing. There are no innocent bystanders. If you aren’t actively trying to stop the assault then you are silently supporting it.
   • Go get a teacher or adult.
   • DO NOT get out your cell phone to videotape it.
   • Do get out your cell phone to call 9-1-1 if no adult is around.
   • DO NOT get involved in the fight. Unless there is a big group who can safely restrain the fighters it’s best to stay out of it for your own safety.
8. Teach kids how to resolve conflict without fighting. It seems like more and more kids are using their fists to resolve a disagreement rather than their words. Teach them to count to 10, walk away, lean on a friend, talk to a counselor or trusted teacher, write a letter they don’t intend to send and many other things they can do to calm down that don’t involve beating up another student or teacher. They don’t have to like everybody, but they do need to be respectful.

If we don’t do our jobs as parents to educate our children on being respectful, then how can we expect them to be good citizens when they are out in the world on their own? Many of these kids aren’t bad kids, they just need their parents to help them find ways to do the right thing. Make sure your kids know how to do the right thing.

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