Weary Parent: Parenting Tweens & Teens

The Baby Borrowers

by Christine on July 7th, 2008

I wasn’t planning on watching The Baby Borrowers. Not because I thought it was stupid premise for a show or because I felt like children were being exploited. No, I wasn’t planning on watching just because I don’t have time. It’s opposite So You Think You Can Dance and I’m not missing out on my weekly SYTYCD high.

But then there was so much hoopla over The Baby Borrowers. People were outraged that NBC would air such a show. Professionals were outraged that children would be subject to such cruel and unusual punishment as being separated from their parents for three whole days. How could I not watch that? I was drawn in by the horror of it all. So last night I caught a rerun of the second episode.

And I was a little disappointed.

There were no traumatized children. Unless you call the teenage girl who wanted to become a mother until she started this little “social experiment” on NBC. By episode 2 she was in tears at the thought of being alone with the baby and on the third day she opted to go to work rather than be a stay-at-home mom and instead let her boyfriend stay home. (I wish I could get my husband to go to work for me some days so I could stay home. Somehow I don’t think my boss would go for that though.) So far nobody has had their baby removed nor has any child gone a full day without food, like in the UK version of the show. With all the hype I expected to be completely horrified and thought I would have to watch the whole show through my fingers with my hands over my eyes.

Maybe all the trauma was in the first episode. Or maybe the news is just making it out to be worse than it really is.

Let’s step back for a moment. If you are unfamiliar with the show the premise is that five teenage couples will be living in their own home, while working and taking care of children. They will spend the first three days with a baby. The next three days with a toddler. Then they will have the joys of a teenager. And end with an elderly person. It is supposed to make these teens, who prior to the show think they are ready to be parents, realize how difficult parenting is. Some commercials even tout it as “birth control” for teens. The teenagers have nannies in the house observing them and the parents of the “borrowed” children watch from nearby houses via a 24 hour webcam. The parents can (and do) intervene whenever they feel like their child is not being treated well.

In a press release sent out last week, the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry was calling for NBC to cancel the show. They say, “Separating babies and toddlers from their parents for extended periods of time can lead children to feel distress and anxiety. After prolonged separation, a child can feel distrust for his or her primary caregiver. Separation can damage a healthy attachment and a child’s sense of safety.” The AACAP President Robert Hendren, D.O. went on to say, “A child’s send of security should not be gambled with.” I’m no professional, but I am a mom and I call bull. These babies are away from their parents for three days. Since when is three days “extended periods of time” and a “prolonged separation?” When my teen was three years old my husband and I left him in the care of my aunt and uncle (who he didn’t know that well) for a full week while we went to Las Vegas to get married. Now he’s thirteen-years-old and I have yet to see any effects of our abusive behavior of leaving him with “strangers” (to him at least) for a week when he was a toddler.

The AACAP press release goes on to say, “In addition, the AACAP is concerned that the television show communicates to millions of viewers that “baby borrowing” is acceptable parenting practice and will prompt imitation.” Really? Do you think most parents are going to see this show on NBC and think, “why don’t we give up our baby to a total stranger?” I think most parents are smart enough to realize that this is a television show where NBC has gone to a lot of effort to make sure parents are able to closely monitor their children. I doubt most parents have the means (or desire) to hook up cameras in a teenager’s apartment and hire a nanny for their own “social experiment.” But if it will make the AACAP feel better maybe NBC should put a disclaimer at the beginning of the show that says, “Don’t try this at home” like that show Jackass that’s on MTV.

Personally I think the show has done a really good job in a short amount of time to show some of the couples that they are absolutely NOT ready to be parents. I think it’s showing some of the couples that they aren’t even ready to be couples. Some of the teens clearly are not mature enough to handle responsibilities like taking care of a home and family or working a full-time job. One of the girls, Alecia, is so selfish I’m shocked she has been with her boyfriend for three years. And she has absolutely no work ethic. I’m surprised she can take care of herself, let alone thinking about having a baby.

My interest has now been peaked and I can’t wait to see how well they take care of toddlers. And I’m on the edge of my seat waiting for their three days with a teenager. Those teenagers are going to eat them alive.

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POSTED IN: Television